So this summer I've had a torn heart. I've been praying that God open doors for me to move down to Los Angeles to go to school at Citrus College and transfer over to Azusa Pacific in the Spring semester. However, a couple of weeks ago I challenged God to reveal his heart for me, to me, while I was in Mexico. I asked him to break down my walls, stir up my passions and desires, and the things my heart break for.... He did that.
So the question of "stay or leave?" arises. In my flesh, I assess the situation and see myself as an unprepared, poor, little kid. In my heart I see a person that is longing for more of Jesus and doesn't care what it takes to "do work" (fight the good fight).
When I was in Mexico I was privileged to film a lot of neat things around San Vicente, documenting parts of peoples lives forever! WOW so rad right?
It is so rad to me, film, design, photography, people, stories, dreams, that's my heart. That is what I want to be a part of forever. That is how I see God has gifted me, and I want to do that stuff to my best. When I was in San Vicente I was really trippin on LA whether I should go or not. I was, am still, so confused because of the variance in doors that are, have been, opening. People moving, jobs being created, visions being casted, offices changing, hearts being revealed to the glory of God. I look at that and I get lost in seeing where I fit in, or not.
My heart for LA was that of being able to go down, do school, and get to minister, and start a small group or something that was focusing on Jesus, knowing who our Savior is, exposing the honor and privilege we have to serve Him, and more. But I still am stuck know if that is this year or next.
While my heart here in Redding, is to go to school, and get to lead and minister to high schoolers and kids my age, to reveal the glory of God to them and of course even more to myself, to show them what living out of the box means. What it looks like, why we are supposed to, etc.
LA and Redding is such a similar heart, a similar focus, a focus that doesn't have a visible time frame, a direct answer.
I'm in this place where I feel as though I am not hearing the voice of the Lord for myself. His words to me, about me, for me. My prayer is that God reveals what he has for me in this immediate season, I don't want to concern myself with what comes next, I want to focus on the time at hand, and not worry about tomorrow, God I want to see you face to face, I want to hear you. God, I want to do work, I want to bring glory to the kingdom, I want to see life change, and not just surface change. I want to be apart of a revolution so intimate that it imitates the movement we read about in ACTS. I want to be a part of a group of leaders that are willing to go and do, not sit and talk about dreams and visions, but to act on them. I want to be a part of a generation that does work. Lord I want work.
Shorry, lil side prayer.
So ya if you read this and feel like the Lord is leading you to pray guidance for me, then please pray that the Lord will give me peace and direction that is unbias.
2 comments:
One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 30:21, which says, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" I first memorized it when I was in a very similar "Lord, help!" moment in between colleges when I was 18. One of my favorite things that I have learned about God's will is that it is a lifestyle and not a destination. As long as you are seeking Him and walking through life with Him, you are in His will. Period. I have no doubt that both locations could be good...and they could even both be great...but each would have its own impact on you and would shape you in a different way. I pray now that you would have the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other and that as the time draws near to decide, there will be no doubt in your mind about the best place for you. So proud of you for wanting more of Jesus. No better way to live.
awesome... I'll be praying :)
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