Stay or Leave

So this summer I've had a torn heart. I've been praying that God open doors for me to move down to Los Angeles to go to school at Citrus College and transfer over to Azusa Pacific in the Spring semester. However, a couple of weeks ago I challenged God to reveal his heart for me, to me, while I was in Mexico. I asked him to break down my walls, stir up my passions and desires, and the things my heart break for.... He did that.

So the question of "stay or leave?" arises. In my flesh, I assess the situation and see myself as an unprepared, poor, little kid. In my heart I see a person that is longing for more of Jesus and doesn't care what it takes to "do work" (fight the good fight).

When I was in Mexico I was privileged to film a lot of neat things around San Vicente, documenting parts of peoples lives forever! WOW so rad right?

It is so rad to me, film, design, photography, people, stories, dreams, that's my heart. That is what I want to be a part of forever. That is how I see God has gifted me, and I want to do that stuff to my best. When I was in San Vicente I was really trippin on LA whether I should go or not. I was, am still, so confused because of the variance in doors that are, have been, opening. People moving, jobs being created, visions being casted, offices changing, hearts being revealed to the glory of God. I look at that and I get lost in seeing where I fit in, or not.

My heart for LA was that of being able to go down, do school, and get to minister, and start a small group or something that was focusing on Jesus, knowing who our Savior is, exposing the honor and privilege we have to serve Him, and more. But I still am stuck know if that is this year or next.

While my heart here in Redding, is to go to school, and get to lead and minister to high schoolers and kids my age, to reveal the glory of God to them and of course even more to myself, to show them what living out of the box means. What it looks like, why we are supposed to, etc.

LA and Redding is such a similar heart, a similar focus, a focus that doesn't have a visible time frame, a direct answer.

I'm in this place where I feel as though I am not hearing the voice of the Lord for myself. His words to me, about me, for me. My prayer is that God reveals what he has for me in this immediate season, I don't want to concern myself with what comes next, I want to focus on the time at hand, and not worry about tomorrow, God I want to see you face to face, I want to hear you. God, I want to do work, I want to bring glory to the kingdom, I want to see life change, and not just surface change. I want to be apart of a revolution so intimate that it imitates the movement we read about in ACTS. I want to be a part of a group of leaders that are willing to go and do, not sit and talk about dreams and visions, but to act on them. I want to be a part of a generation that does work. Lord I want work.

Shorry, lil side prayer.

So ya if you read this and feel like the Lord is leading you to pray guidance for me, then please pray that the Lord will give me peace and direction that is unbias.

Mexico

So I just got back from San Vicente, Baja Mexico. I really felt convicted to write something. I am just so awful bad at journaling. So I went down to Mexico last week with a team of 28 or so people I think. Ranging in ages from old to really young. We had the opportunity to host a festival for the town. The largest thing that town has ever seen.

As far as the festival went, it was real great. It was preceded by a lot of community work around town, repainting the school, jail, park, etc. the festival itself was made up of just a bunch of great fun and games for the children, air jumps and water slides just to let them have fun. All for free mind you. We got to make a bunch of bike jumps and had the privilege of hanging out with three guys from Murrieta (San Diego area, actually funny side story, the guys live down the street from the Pettengil family so we got to see them again on our way home) so the guys put on a fun bike demo and did some flips and spins if you know what I'm sayin, really getting the people pumped up. The last night of the festival we had a huge ministry night with worship and a message with a ministry time, kids falling on their knees in the glory of God. So awesome.

Like I had mentioned we did a lot of community work, it was a promise that was made to the community to just make improvements and build hope. So we did a lot of repainting, and moved a bunch of concrete. Hard work, tiring work, exhausting work. But it was soo good once we were done the people, so thankful for our work and really encouraged them to just see the hope in their city and start to play their parts in taking pride in their town.

Together with the community service and festival Dan Vallotton had organized and was getting a team to run a soccer tournament for the locals. A great tournament with a bunch of kids from all over. Imagine league soccer, but a tournament, on a dirt soccer feild, with no uniforms, kids playing in jeans and tshirts. But they were having a blast.

Aalllsssooo, we did a little volleyball thing, with the girls from our team versus sponsered team from Mexico, it was a humorous game, lets just say that it was just for fun... (we lost) haha.

Alright that's the practical stuff of what we did, the actual work that was done, but the real stuff we did, the lasting stuff, the spiritual stuff, the stuff that changed lives was so amazing.

In the morning our team would go to labor camps (camps where familys are given a place to live and payed a small salary for working at the vineyards, orchards, crops, etc. that are owned by companies) during the day, the adults go out and work the feilds and stuff while the kids stay back at the camps just hanging out with each other. We had the opportunity to go and hang out with these kids, play and have fun. Teach them bible lessons, and get them to smile. Lives were changed, not just lives of the kids, but of our team as well. God revelead himself in a way that many of the students on the team had never seen. And the glory of God was shown to the kids by us getting down in the dirt playing soccer, or basketball, or just holding them and racing and etc. the ultimate way of having fun with 30+ kids all at one time.

This all happened and the team was able to go to that, I however had the privilege to go around town and film. I was able to get video of the soccer tourny and the painting that was going on, and the guys riding bikes. The purpose of these videos was more than just for us. It was for me to make a 15-20 min video to play every night preceding the final night of the festival. It was such an honor to go and capture the lives of the people there and put it all together. and this, this is why it was an honor. I got to stand there and look out over 100+ sometimes a few hundred people, that stayed out after dark just to see my video. The video they were in, the video that wouldn't exist if they weren't there. Such an honor and privilege.

God did such good things with revealing the reality of walking in humility and being a servant. Talking with the team and praying with the team, I am just so encouraged to see them getting God, getting what it means to live outside of the box. I am so pumped about this outside of the box mentality. Like last year when I went to Australia God revealed to me what that means to be outside of the box. And I got it, I've been trying to walk in that and live that. And to see more people seeing that and wanting to walk in that oh wow, sooo good.

Speaking about people getting it, and wanting to live outside the box. Kayla Smith. WOW. God has done so much in her. Just to fill you in she's been doing a summer internship for Dan and Emalia Vallotton in San Vicente, and been the person leading these teams that come from all over to go to labor camps and stuff. But God has just rocked her soo much, allowed her to die to herself and to be renewed in him. Given her new life. It's so encouraging to see, and so exciting to see her walk in the fullness of God, and be entirely dependent on the Spirit and God for everything. She still has a few more weeks left so be praying for her that between now and when she gets back she is able to continue to build on that, and that when she gets back, she is able to come back and stay out of the box, and not get into routine of life, and is able to continue to stay strong in her ministry and passion for doing work for God.

This is similar to the prayer I have for my team, that they will be able to stay in that place of being passionate for people and doing work and revealing God to people, friends, family. Also, to stay strong in their walk and stay passionate about seeking out seeing God face to face.

There's way more, but this is good enough for me to remember this week for a long time.

Wesley Jensen

I've been working on a myspace layout for Wesley Jensen and the Wildcats. Interesting how a band name can change and transform and develop. It's fun. Anyways, I've been working on the layout in the little time I have available and it has been fun, I never really did any trick things to myspace layouts usually just colors and background so this is a whole new ball game but it has been fun and educating.

Not much self creating...

So I've come to this realization as of late. I have been taking a lot of photos recently, and just expanding my portfolio and my knowledge, however, I have nothing of myself.

Friends, buildings, grass, birds, trees, snow, cars, bikes, sunsets, mountains, dogs, LEGO's... I don't know, just stuff. BUT I have nothing of myself it's sort of ridiculous, and sort of funny.

It makes me kind of sad, but it motivates me. So sometime in the next few weeks I'm going to be experimenting with my new camera and a tripod, so it should be fun. By the way if any one is interested in hanging out and letting me take photos of them... like not in a weird way just for me to add to my portfolio... let me know!

Reality.

Real Men. Real Women. Real Children. Real People. Real Lives. Real Stories. Real.

In the last few weeks I've been stepping back and doing a lot of thinking, and spending a lot of time with JC. As I step back and watch and think and analyze, I can not avoid this reality that we live in. Hundreds, Thousands, Millions of people all over the world breathing, walking, living, making decisions, being dumb, being serious. It's incredible. My wind just keeps getting blow. I think on a personal scale of stuff that happens in this city to the people I know, the people I live with, the people I walk with, the people I bike with, the people I make coffee for, the people at my church.

Shelby Allen, a girl, a family, a holiday, a future, gone. Decisions, anticipation, routine, boredom, stuff... stuff that can dramatically change the course of history.

Jake Henrich, a boy, a team, a family, a dream, gone. Longing for someone to value him, for stability in life. Things that we can all identify with and long for as well.

Dustin Brown, a boy, a future, an expectation, gone. Longing for appreciation, affirmation, encouragement, and someone to love him. Things that we all need to live and make us stronger.

The man I passed riding my bike the other day in down town. The man and woman sitting on the corner. The man and wife that just decided which dog they are going to get to live in their new home. The little girl that just learned 2+2. The little boy that is astonished by how powerful the wind can get. The woman that teaches a class and struggles with acceptance of her own family and past. These are all people, all stories, all futures, all pasts, that effect me every day. There story could change my story forever.

I met a man in Australia. Well I stayed in his house for a night while he was gone. Then a few weeks later when he got back I met him. In those few weeks of being Australia I learned more about myself, about who I want to become, what I want to do, how I want to get there. I may have learned this but I don't know how God is bringing me to arrive there. These dreams I had, i share with thousands, if not millions. To help and encourage, to support, to affirm, to build confidence, to challenge, to assist, to brighten and bring hope. This man who I had stayed at his house, he shares that dream. He wants to bring an end to injustices. Human trafficking is a primary focus of his, where God has led him. He goes to places of high traffic and exposes this injustice through film, photography, painting, and his words, to people all over the world. This is the kind of man I want to become.

I was thinking the other day... what if cartoons got saved... not really, but I was thinking that I am 18 and in the worlds eye's I NEED to go to school, and I NEED to drive this car, and I NEED to have this much money, and I NEED to do this and that. From this thought I step back and think not about what I need, but what can I give. What can I do to help someone get there. But not get to the THERE that the world is thinking. But the THERE that we truly long for on a personal level.

THERE: to be loved, to be valued, to be appreciated. To have someone listen to us. To have someone encourage us. To have someone that pushes us towards brighter things. To be sheltered from the elements. To have food to keep us healthy.

I, when I think of this, I think of who has everything to offer that. It's JC, he longs to offer just one of those things to us all the time... and if He can He wants to hook it up with all of that. And being that we are made and designed in His image, and we are longing to be more like Him, that means that we are graced and privilaged to provide that for everyone or as many as we can. In simple things. I think that it is the simple things that show value to people.

I have a friend he wants to make movies. Maybe I don't know really, but it is one of his dreams. To make films that utilize these actors that are made up of people that stand out in communitys, in clicks, in groups. The people that are the more bold ones that people watch and listen. He takes these people and puts them in this film that is written about some underlining story that God has given him, to bring glory to the kingdom, with the Father's children!

I want to design shirts and prints and make websites and take photos and make short films to bring glory to the kingdom to support people to encourage people, and bring glory to the kingdom. To provide a message that lifts people up and I can just play my part in becoming more like the Father.

I don't know really, I just wrote this with a lot of stuff going on around me and that just adds more to this idea of real people, real lives, real stories, and real fun!

It's been a while.

It's been a while since I just wrote. I've been so busy lately. I don't even know if it's good busy.

I've been training at Dutch Bros., going to be a night guy at 4 corners shop. I am excited to have a solid job like that again. My job at the church is way fun but it's a different kind of job that I think I have too many privileges that it's hard to really see it as a JOB. It's more of this thing that I already do, but now I'm getting paid for it. Can't complain I guess.

School starts next week for me. It's going to be fun... I think. I have classes with a bunch of friends so that will be fun however school in and of itself, not my most desirable means of spending my time at the moment. Altogether, it will be fine I believe.

A lot has been happening for me lately. I am taking ownership of becoming more independent. I am now on my own cell phone plan, taking full responsibility for payments and such. I just got my first credit card to start developing credit. Also, I'm starting to save... with intent. I was thinking the other day, just about things that I know God takes care of in the long run, but I think it's still wise to plan and anticipate certain things. So saving came up, and I was like but save for what? School, fun, maybe rent one day, my future wife... Just stuff that well I guess if I start saving now it will prevent stress in the future. Which is so nice.

Today was a good day, it seemed really long. Work at 8, until 12. Then to the church from 1-5. It's been like that a lot lately, so I'm just tired and worn down. I'm ready for a break, to sleep in and feel rested. But I think I'm going into a new season with different things to look forward to, different things to be accountable for, different relationship to be mended and in some cases, built. Welcome to 2009 right?

I just realized, well sort of realized that, some people when they write blogs they try and sound all proper, and some people write as though they were talking, or some find a medium. I don't know how I write... I think it changes dependent upon how much energy I have.