I like me.

God has been revealing more of who He is to me and who He is calling us to be.

You are beautiful. (pass it on)
It's a simple truth. We are beautiful. If you don't think so then you need to look into some truths.
God created us in His image. So if we love God, then we love ourselves right?

I think often times we go about praising God and encouraging others and when we get alone or have those brief seconds to think of ourselves we shut off. We don't find ourselves to be good enough or something else ridiculous. But that's wrong. If we love God then we love ourselves. And if you don't then you're missing out on a lot of God to be loving. As people, as man, as humans, God has created us all uniquely in his spitting image. Ya we all look different and all have different personalities, but we ALL represent God. Just a different part of Him. So if we don't love ourselves then we aren't loving God.

It's like the artist. They just spent a whole week making this radical painting, for you of course. Only to make you happy, and they've poured out everything they have to offer into this painting, to present it to you. And you don't like it. In fact you forget all about the heart of it, and just look to pick it apart and put it down. We have just torn that piece of work and shown the creator no appreciation and no value of it.

We are God's creation, He poored everything He had to offer into the creation of us, and everything around us to please us, offering it all to us. Then we go and don't appreciate it. It's like saying to God that you don't appreciate Him that you're not thankful.

I've spent all weekend digging into this even more, and ironically spent a lot of the previous week thinking about this. Thinking about how we strive for more and changing this or we're not good enough, but the truth of everything, is to say God thank you. Thank you for creating me. I like me. I LOVE ME. And a lot of this of course is in a sense capping my process of this previous weekend, but I think it's so important. How can we love God if we don't love ourselves?

This is what I love about God. And I think this is where we fall short and where He longs for us to grasp. To love ourselves and be thankful of God for who He has made us to be. Nerd. Geek. Skater. whatever, God has hand made us and invested into creating us to look like Him. So we thank Him for creating us, but then we go one step further. We ask God to reveal to us our dreams. And we don't dream small oh no, we dream big, We go all out! If we are created in God's image, and His heart is to see His children return to Him, then pray that. Pray big, Dream big. There is example after example of God telling people to dream big, but because they don't love themselves, or think they are adequate, they question God and don't dream.

God asks Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. Moses didn't love himself, He didn't think He was adequate enough to do this. Pick Aaron He says. God's pretty much like, Shut up! I want you. I want you to trust me, believe me, dream in me, that I can use you like this. And Moses just doubts because He isn't secure in loving himself to trust God enough. He puts this cap on God, so God does miracles right in front of Him, like, NO JOKE MOSES, I want you! God is calling all of us out like Moses, we might not be leading a nation, but anything for the glory of the kingdom is just as valued.

Love ourselves, because that is loving God. Love God, and trust and appreciate and thank Him. Dream big, God has called us to dream big, to not put a limitation on who He is.

I like me. I'm dreaming big, I'm transforming, but I'm not putting a cap on how big God is.

Asking.

So I still don't have a job. But I do. I live life. I do a lot of odd jobs.

I've been trusting on the Lord so much as of late. I'm in this spot of being so dependent upon Him that I don't know what to do. I still don't have a job so of course one thing I am asking God is for provision. Provision financially. It's hard for me. I love to treat others. Buy them coffee, lunch, give them a ride, something. Lately it's been difficult though, I can't. in fact I'm on the other end, I am asking, or just passing up. It's a hard spot. Not that it's hard as though I struggle, but it's hard because God is transforming me. Transformation for the most part is hard, it takes work. Part of this work, involves me asking God. I ask Him for provision. I ask Him for everything. I dream big, I ask Him for outrageous things now.

I can see how this transformation is changing me. I am asking God for everything, sometimes I ask just because I know how big God is. But these questions, they're not all about me anymore. I was in this spot of asking God to help me. But I realized.... I don't need help... God is paving my path already, it's not as though He has put me on this unattainable, can't survive route. He provides for the birds doesn't He? These questions, me asking, it's not about me, God Help Me, no it's about others now, it's transformed. My vantage point has been broadened and is growing. A heart for youth, for nations, for friends, for family. I ask God for them. This is how I have already transformed.

I made this list. Five things... the first three, entirely impractical but it was out of discipline I guess. I asked God for: shoes... my laptop to get fixed... car stereo... I don't NEED these things, but if I can ask God for the salvation of friends or the redemption of nations, why can't I ask Him for other things? I really don't know how to explain it. It's not as though I'm like "God I want this or else." but it's like, "God, I am going to trust in you that I would like these things and can't swing a means of getting them now, so here you go, I'm done dwelling on them."....
I gave them up. It was a prayer. Here you go, I'm moving on, because this is overwhelming me. God provided...

But I said my consisted of five things. That was only three. I'll let you know when the other two come through, but that's God's timing not mine. This list, isn't a five things and I'm down, it's constantly growing, as I have revelation upon revelation about God. I will say that the remaining two on the five list I refer to is family, but that was A list, of an even larger list. I have been thinking about how Paul or Moses or David went about this. Asking God for things. Praying out our hearts, in manner as to not dwelling on it, but to give it up to the Lord. It's new. It's hard.

Transformation. It's hard. It's awkward. It's stressful. But we all go through it and it looks different every time. I'm transforming in a way of trusting in the Lord. Giving things up to Him as they come up to me. Ha and I just had the thought, of how ridiculous this sounds, like I'm just asking God for whatever thinking He's going to give it to me. Ya right (I say that to myself) God's good and faithful and He provides. In the mean time, I'll pray out and seek out what I feel led into.

House Sitting

So my little brother went with his dad to the east coast to visit their family in Boston/ Martha's Vineyard. Steve, my little brother (Conner)'s dad, asked me to house sit and just watch over the house while they were gone.

So for a whole week it was like I was living on my own. The house is up in West Redding out off of Placer; and being that I am unemployed still, paying for gas to drive back and forth from west redding and shasta view area is not worth it. Not saying I didn't go to church or college group or school, but it was more of a well if I'm coming into town, I'm going to hang out in town and once I go to the house I'm staying at the house. Sort of exciting? Not really haha.

It was cool though just to have a lot of time to myself and just talking with God. There was a lot of, I don't know if you would say catching up, but more of a focus I guess on getting where I needed to be with God.

It was real nice, I would wake up and go for a swim then just sit in the sun until I was dry just listening to worship music, focusing on the words and what they are trying to stir up as far as truths. At night I would do something similar, go for a swim, take a shower and just sit and spend time with God before falling asleep.

I miss that. It was something that I got to do a lot in Australia that I haven't really been doing, or been able to do since I've been home. Being able to just not have a real agenda and just spend time with God. It so crucial, and I can notice a difference in myself as well as my relationship with God you know.

And this last week was just cool too, I have started designing stuff again, it's been a while since I've just set and let my creativity go. I think there might be a corrolation between my creativity and my relationship with God? who knows? haha.

Best part hands downt though of the week was the opportunity to do worship with Luke and Whitney at the Jr. High retreat at the Burroughs, I don't really know I just love hanging out with those guys and then to be able to do worship and stuff to, just so rad.

Not too eventful of a week, just a lot of hanging out at the house ha.

Welcome home?

The Andy Griffith Show... ha, just the good ol' days I reckon'.

So I've been back for two weeks now. My first week back was just a really well enlightening.

A seat far too small for a fourteen hour flight. Cold stale air, that you just know everyone else in the plane has already used. The seatbelt light comes on. Wheels touch the ground. Fresh air enters all everybodies lungs, there's a sense of relief and joy that you get when you land.

It was on the up and up. We/I just landed after being in Australia for an amazing month. God had rocked my world, and brought me home stoked, looking forward to the future. Driving home, we had started the drive home, and was ringing my dad to figure out things for pick up.

Well in the conversation with my dad, he shared with me some family things that had happened while I was away. Just stuff with my mom, kind of shady, but God does all things for our good right? Anyway, all this joy and relief of being home, swiped away. I would have given anything to go back to Australia and be oblivious to what was going down. Not now though, I'm glad to be home. Anyway, ya I'd been home, well not even home, just in the states for lest then two hours and Satan was already doing his works to tear me down after my trip. But God is bigger than that, and we are able to rejoice in him regardless of what situations happen in our lives.

God just reminded me of Job, and Hosea, and David, and countless others that endured just really cruddy stuff. But God is faithful and worthy of our praise regardless.

Dead grass, smokey air, a climate change. I was tired and feeling sick, and just weighted with this news.

Detox. Sleep. American food. American water. A lot of prayer. Lengthy conversations with family members.

Life was different. Chapter 2008-2009 has started. This might be kind of sad, but no worries there's good in it. There's joy and praise. I'm excited to be home, looking forward to movement and new ministries, and college. New friends. Well it's good hard to deal with my mom situation but God does have it in control.

New to this world.

I'm new to this whole world of blogging. It's not my thing, or maybe it is? How could I tell if I never try it right?
Anyway, lets see I reckon' a good way to go about kickin' this off would be to say what's up?

Well I went to Australia for a month or so, on a misisons trip. We stayed with YWAM, my team of 8 from Little Country Church Youth Group. It was a life changing experience.

The biggest thing that God revealed to me was the reality of the freedom we have been give through grace. Which is all spawned from His love, which we choose to receive through faith.

But ya, He gave me this analogy. It's like, how do you act when you walk with someone famous? Or how would you act? Say you're walking with Will Smith. You're going to be walking with this attitude of check this out, check ME out. Wanting everyone to know who you are with. But the reality of this is, that we are walking with God, who is way cooler, way more powerful, way more awesome than any famous person, as cool as they may be. So with this truth of "hey, I'm walking with God!", it's like how could we stay quiet and live our lives just average Joe style? We have to walk with this freedom and this radicalness to show people what we have. God.

That was the biggest thing for me to see in Australia. Oh and there was this one instant that stands out among others, when I applied it. We had gone out evangelizing for the day and were coming back home riding the bus. And for the most part you get on the bus or train and go home, and it's like "oh ok, job over we're done for the day" but the truth, no! we're never done. So I'm standing holding the rail and I start chatting with this dude, this Aussie veteran about life and stuff. We shared some stories about Fort Bragg, CA... it's a coastal city down south a little ways. And somehow it transitioned to Jesus talk, what is christianity la-duh-da. And the guy asks me, "so what has God done for you?"... haha, oh man was he in for it now. He had no idea what he was in store for.

I respond to this man that I never honestly got his name, unfortunately. I say to him how for starters he brought me half way across the world at 17 years old to talk to him, this guy. And continued with more examples of God blessings to me. He was flabbergasted. I had a response to his question, that wasn't the average, well, He died for my sins and He loves me. Which is true, but like there is so much more super personal stuff that God has done for all of us. So I shared that with Him, just several things and he sits there kind of confused, and stammers out the words "this is your stop" and looks away. It was a good experience to walk in freedom and not care about being judged you know?

I'll save the next blog for what's happened since I've been back. That's rather extensive surprising how much could happen in a couple weeks.