Asking.

So I still don't have a job. But I do. I live life. I do a lot of odd jobs.

I've been trusting on the Lord so much as of late. I'm in this spot of being so dependent upon Him that I don't know what to do. I still don't have a job so of course one thing I am asking God is for provision. Provision financially. It's hard for me. I love to treat others. Buy them coffee, lunch, give them a ride, something. Lately it's been difficult though, I can't. in fact I'm on the other end, I am asking, or just passing up. It's a hard spot. Not that it's hard as though I struggle, but it's hard because God is transforming me. Transformation for the most part is hard, it takes work. Part of this work, involves me asking God. I ask Him for provision. I ask Him for everything. I dream big, I ask Him for outrageous things now.

I can see how this transformation is changing me. I am asking God for everything, sometimes I ask just because I know how big God is. But these questions, they're not all about me anymore. I was in this spot of asking God to help me. But I realized.... I don't need help... God is paving my path already, it's not as though He has put me on this unattainable, can't survive route. He provides for the birds doesn't He? These questions, me asking, it's not about me, God Help Me, no it's about others now, it's transformed. My vantage point has been broadened and is growing. A heart for youth, for nations, for friends, for family. I ask God for them. This is how I have already transformed.

I made this list. Five things... the first three, entirely impractical but it was out of discipline I guess. I asked God for: shoes... my laptop to get fixed... car stereo... I don't NEED these things, but if I can ask God for the salvation of friends or the redemption of nations, why can't I ask Him for other things? I really don't know how to explain it. It's not as though I'm like "God I want this or else." but it's like, "God, I am going to trust in you that I would like these things and can't swing a means of getting them now, so here you go, I'm done dwelling on them."....
I gave them up. It was a prayer. Here you go, I'm moving on, because this is overwhelming me. God provided...

But I said my consisted of five things. That was only three. I'll let you know when the other two come through, but that's God's timing not mine. This list, isn't a five things and I'm down, it's constantly growing, as I have revelation upon revelation about God. I will say that the remaining two on the five list I refer to is family, but that was A list, of an even larger list. I have been thinking about how Paul or Moses or David went about this. Asking God for things. Praying out our hearts, in manner as to not dwelling on it, but to give it up to the Lord. It's new. It's hard.

Transformation. It's hard. It's awkward. It's stressful. But we all go through it and it looks different every time. I'm transforming in a way of trusting in the Lord. Giving things up to Him as they come up to me. Ha and I just had the thought, of how ridiculous this sounds, like I'm just asking God for whatever thinking He's going to give it to me. Ya right (I say that to myself) God's good and faithful and He provides. In the mean time, I'll pray out and seek out what I feel led into.